Everything that one thinks as easy or normal and an everyday thing is frustrating to the max and time consuming. More than one thinks it is especially me that I like to be independent.
Oh I have gotten my husband to do the simplest things and then there are those things that are just hard and I have to do them by myself.
I love writing and sharing. I love keeping the budget clean and up to date and all the bills paid and what is due and what is not due. I can't do that now and I hate that I have no control over that now. I have no control......that is the real thing that bothers me so much. I have to rely on my husband so much now.
Funny thing that nobody realizes especially the doctors is that they know I have vision problems and then they go and give me something to read! I can't read it! They forget that all the time. Funny!
Typing is a big thing in my life now. Oh I have done much things to my computer so that I can see and red and type, but that is a slow process. I make all kinds of spelling and typo's. I go off the deep end when someone points that out and I do not know them. I will take corrections from friends though. God they are so useful and needed at this time.
I got the colors to read on my computer in yellow on black screens and when they all of sa sudden change to grey on whit that hurts my eyes and give me an immediate headache. With the yellow on black I can't see the red under errors. I can see the underline though and try my best to correct them. Some I stilll miss though. They cursor I did make bigger but for some stu[od reason it goes back to the tiny white one and can't see that until I roll my mouse a few times to get it. gggrrr.
Eating is very frustrating.
My depth perception is still out of whack! I filled my coffee machine with water and didn't realize that I missed the big hole in it until I felt water on the floor in front of me. I was going to pour some soup onto a smaller container and missed the smaller container. Good Grief!!
Earlier I would just stop eating because it was so nerve-wracking and frustrating that I had to even small amount to take a break and just breath in deep. Using a fork is horrible when eating out as I don't hit the food on my plate and have to do it several times to get it to stay on my fork.
Cooking at home is the pts cauze I burn some of it now cuz I can't see colors that much. I can but they are muted. We go out most of the time and then I can eat two or three meals out of one order. Not doing that diet thing when you can't do it cuz of your abilities taken from you. Sure I don't do the white stuff like pasta, rice, cereal and breads, but some times I don't have a choice. I don't think all those younger doctors and such understand that stuff because they have not actually experienced that. BIG DIFFERENCE in diagnosing and putting together a plan that will work. I am doing lots of soups and lot less cooking on the stove. Every time I try to fry and egg it turns out scrambled. Even the scrambling is not coming out like it used to. Too durn hard right now. I hard boil my eggs and make egg salad for my breakfast and lunch and dinner sometimes. Good grief not being able to have bread and sandwiches is very hard to get used too. Same with sopping up soup and stews. Give me a break people! Those that think that this is easy they have no idea what is is a realty like!!
Another thing with this is that I don't eat three whole meals a day because I lose patience. I eat small meals through out the day More like snacking instead of full meals. Good grief how am I supposed to take my drugs (Komjac Root GLUCOMANNAN) (FDA APPROVED 1994 and is used for Diabetes and weight loss.) that I take before meals. That is confusing.
Taking a nap is more common now. Oh it isn't because I am tired or not wanting to do anything. It is to rest my eyes and stop the madness of seeing things in an odd way. Most times I am looking through a yellow bridle veil. Try it sometime. It makes thing blurry and hard to see the edges of things. Everything that is and have to concentrate to see what really is there and not what my mind thinks is there. Hard and frustrating to the max. At first my husband though that I was just looking at things too long, then now he realizes that I am just trying to see what it is or where it is. I need specific directions to where something in because I can be looking in that direction but not see what it is he wants. Lights are good but not good enough and sometimes they make everything more yellow and less clear. I have lights in my office and they drive me crazy sometimes. I have found that those lights on your head wrap is perfect for me and have no lights on at all. I need to find a light that is just over my keyboard and not shine on the screen. Still haven't found one that works yet.
Using the phone....gawd! I cannot see the numbers on the pad to dial or push! Calling my mom is bad because I can dial it a few times and still not the right numbers. She understands and doesn't ex[ect me to call her every day....because I can't I can't see the numbers on the caller ID and end up picking up for a telemarketer and hanging up on them. I don't want to talk to them at all. We keep getting calls that are looking for us to sell our house. After what we been through and what Wells Fargo caused it to happen. I still and will always put the blame for my stoke on them and no my diet. They never gave up trying to take our house for three years duration and the fighting to get them to pay the right account when we did make a big payment. That was what put me over. One bill they had to re-do 3 times in one month because the amount that we sent them did not go directly into our account but a GENERAL FUNDS one that we never had. Talk about frustrating and hanging up on them when they kept asking for the money that they said we owed and did not. High and long periods of stress will give you high blood pressure and headaches and much more.
What they don't mention is HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE and I heard this on the local news last night. Remember this!!
Stress symptoms: Effects on your body and behavior https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/stress-management/in-depth/stress-symptoms/art-20050987?fbclid=IwAR3C1sGQeI4I-V31XqGzolGpfOYZNwY3bnWfjXLttktLJLg_X3eD2wfe3NE
The weather has a lot to do with my sight. When it is sunny, it is bad and that is when I see through the yellow viel and not clearly. When it rains, nothing is in the light and everything seems to have black around it and I only see good in the middle. That is how I see my credit card numbers to pay bills online and what I am using to pay. Can't see them. 2 or 3 numbers at a time in good conditions., When it is just overcast and no raain clouds is the best for my vision.
Oh and I used to hate night driving and I can see everything clearly. I can't drive now or walks down steps very good. Walking up steps is easier but I am not allowed to carry anything up or down the steps. My husband has to do the laundry too. I used to care how laundry was done and darks and light were separate. I don't care much anymore and nether about folding them right. They are in the draws so I cn just pull them out when needed. I used to be a perfectionist in some things....not anymore. Losing ones sight really turns ones life upside down and inside out.
I will find a way to do the things that I love and persevere. I will never give up.
