A Couple of Dreams

I have many dreams that I remember, some I do not write down and some that I do.  These are dreams that I have had since my last blog in my life story blog where I was told Not To Post my life story on-line because it makes others feel uncomfortable. I think that these dreams are revealing as to my feelings and where I am going and what I need to do.

Dream: Graduation

I had this dream on Thursday March 24, 2016

I was working as a writer and that was my job.  Then I got called into a place where I was working for a meeting.  There was a woman sitting beside me and there was one sitting on the other side of the table.  It was a round table.  They were talking to me and seeing how I was doing with my job.  Then the one sitting at the other side of the table told me that she had to show me something and not to tell anyone because I wasn’t supposed to know about what it was.  She was holding a yellow packet that was stuffed full.

She opened the packet and showed me a sheet that had accomplishments and grades and the like on it.  She showed me low in the communication area.  She also said that I had to get 8 more points until I could graduate.  I explained to her that I had a job and thought that I had already graduated.  She told me that having a job is just like practicing but does not get me the points that I need.

I don’t know what those points are or how to get them.  I feel a bit apprehensive about getting the 8 points.  I am thinking, and it may be true or not, that when I get those 8 points that I will graduate and be done with this life.  I don’t think that it is the end, but the beginning of a new set of lessons for either another life here on this earth or somewhere else on a different existence.  Either way it is elation and sadness at the same time.

Dream about Changing

March 28, 2016.

I was working or doing something at a garden center.  My boyfriend (actually who I was having an affair with a very long time ago) came to see me.  He always comes around to use (?) me.  He is much younger that I and later found out that he had another girlfriend and was still married and told both of us that he got a divorce.  Oh that is one of my accounts on my life story. Anyway, he was waiting for me in the parking lot by his white van.  I went to meet him and he started saying something.  I put my hand up facing him and told him not anymore.  I just walked away after that.  I went to my cubby hole that I had my bedroom in at the house that I grew up in.  It had a small space under the landing that was the entrance to the house and living room.  I was putting little trinkets on shelves in the very small space.  They were little vases that had some liquid in them and I was careful in putting them on the shelf to not spill any of the liquid. Then I was back at the gardening center and there ended the dream.

I don’t think that this is about my boyfriend.  I think that he represented me being used and abused by family and I just had enough and said or gestured that I will not have any more of it. I simply walked away from all the drama.  I did not have any sad feelings with this and I did not even shed a tear. Going into that space and putting those small vases filled with liquid up on the shelves perhaps meant that I was putting things away or behind me.  The garden center would be about my life and the new beginning that I feel that I am involved in.  Well that is my summarization to this dream.

I Felt A Jolt

A Shocking Experience

I felt a jolt after falling asleep last night. It was a bigger jolt than I have ever experienced. It was different than when one gets snapped back into their body after an OBE. I wonder what it was.

It was so intense it was like someone used those paddles to bring me back. My whole body jumped off the bed a few inches. It woke me up.

I have had OOBES a few times.  I cannot control when they happen.  The first one that I remember was flying over the state of New York.  The next one that I remember was when I was being raped.  That one was strange because I don’t remember exactly the time that I left my body, but it was before he touched me, because I watched that from the top of my room and it was in some kind of yellow haze.  I don’t remember when I re-entered and I did not feel a shock with either of them as intense as the one that I just had last night.

Some things that lead up to this strange and shocking experience

A couple of months back I found that my husband had maxed out all the credit cards and had some that I didn’t even know about.  That was so disturbing and so I was so frustrated that I went into the bedroom and cried.  Oh but that was just the beginning.  Over the next couple of weeks I began to find even more bills that he stuck into things and neatly tucked them away.  When I found out the first few bills were 2 months past due and had talked with many of the debtors, I just stood there asking him “How Could You Do This To Us”?  That is when I began to cry and I cried for hours.  He tried to put all the blame for this on me.  He said that I needed things.  Now I am in charge of the budget.  Well let me back up a minute.  I get the checkbook, find 90% of the bills and start paying the most delinquent ones.  I take the debit card and put it with the checkbook.  I don’t trust him anymore and this was the last straw for me.  After I paid about 3 bills he can’t find the debit card.  He doesn’t’ ask me about it or anything.  He calls the bank and tells them that he lost his card.  So I could not pay anymore bills until I get a hold of the new debit card.  ....Long story short about that and the bank account.  Years ago we had a joint account.  Someone got that and charged a few things on it before we knew about it.  We ended up getting one in his name only and one in my name only.  So the bank account is in his name that we pay and do business with.  He blames that on me too.  Then the next mistake was that I told him the balance that I had in the checkbook after paying some bills.  I usually let that ride into the next bill paying cycle when he gets paid again.  He does it again!!!!!!  He took the debit card and got some gas with it and did not tell me until after the fact.  I was…well still am….LIVID.  Okay got that fixed up and then we go to McDonald’s one day and I asked for the debit card back.  He acted like some child and I was taking his toy away.  He made a scene and yelled at me telling me that he will not give me the debit card.  I went to sit down and sat somewhere else.  He didn’t come to find where I sat.  He waited until I went to find him when I thought that it was taking way too long for him to get our meal.


I asked him if we were going to handle this financial crisis together or what.  I never got the debit card back.  I went into his wallet and got the numbers and information that I needed so that I could pay some bills on-line.  Oh and I switched just about every bills that we have so that they would be paid On-line.  I don’t trust him and I don’t love him anymore either because of this.  He has Intimacy Anorexia and I am just a roommate, not a wife for him.  So roommates we shall be from now on.

We are buried deep in all this debt and he knows that I cannot work outside the home.  He also made that all my fault too…..he totaled my car years ago and now he has 3 jobs.  Oh do not feel sorry for that.  He will have that many jobs no matter what.  It is part of his Anorexia.  I did not bargain for this at all when I married him.  You can read what it is on my blog about Intimacy Anorexia.

We go to do our taxes and find out that one of his Part Time jobs isn’t taking out taxes.  Well we knew this last year when it came to bite us in the behind and so we had them take out about $40.00 with each check.  We thought that was enough because he gets paid $50.00 per day and more if he has to go out.  We thought that the going rate of taxes was about 40% of your pay…..found out quite different.  The person who did our taxes told us that we should be saving about $100.00 per check.  Ummmm, he doesn’t do this on a daily basis and it is hard to tell when he will go out on a call.  He is a Mental Health Crisis Team person for a local Mental Health facility.  That cost us $1,000.00  As tight as I have the budget there is no way in this God’s green earth we are going to have any money, even a monthly budget to pay any of that.  I also had to pay the penalty for not having health insurance.  That is one long story about that and I am very upset about that too.  I am not going to indulge you with that one right now.

We don’t have a piece of paper from his Student Loan taxes that we paid.  I got the not in my e-mail but for some reason I cannot reset the password so we come home and get on the phone with tech support./  He sends up the paper stating how much that we paid and the numbers the taxman needs.  We go right back out there and finish doing our taxes.  I am trying very hard to keep me together, but I did let a tear slide down my check there.  So on the way home all that kept running through my mind was, where we are going to get the money to pay our taxes.  My husband said that we will just pay it with the retirement.  What the hell I Retirement anymore?!  This is the second time that we have had to do this.  So I was quite upset when I went to bed.  I didn’t even turn off the light because I usually get up an hour after I lay down when I get Reflux when I eat after 6:00. 

I wasn’t asleep for a very short period of time before I was woke up from that shock to my body.  It did feel like I had got the electric shock that they do when a person’s heart stops beating in the hospital.  It made my body jump up off the bed a few inches.  It was much more intense than any Out of Body Experience that I have ever remembered having.  This whole experience, from the day that I met him up until now, feels totally off.  I knew we had something to work on when I asked him, how long did he wait for me, when I first started dating him.  Everything about this relationship is off.  Perhaps this shock was to re-align things.  I don’t know but I put this in my strange and weird experiences, of which I have had plenty of them.  Perhaps things will go better now.  I can only hope so.

This certainly is some kind of Wake Up Call and to be more aware.  I don’t know what to be aware of just yet though.