Living with an Intimacy Anorexic is not easy by any
means. Many times it is like living with
Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Well last night
was such a night and I was scared for my life.
I really do not know who I married because I never saw what was coming until
after we were married and then it was too late for me to do anything about
it. Nobody believed me then and for some
reason they still do not believe me and what I am living with.
There are many good times in our relationship, but they keep
getting pounced on and shaded by these times that what comes out of him is
really nasty. I lost my love for him and
I don’t want to go near him anymore. He
scared me so bad.
An Intimacy Anorexic is just that. They do not like to get close to someone
else. It stems from their childhood when
they were assaulted by someone. The more
that I have been thinking of this the more my conclusions or thoughts are become
true. You see he is a Roman Catholic,
was raised that way from birth. I became
that too and went through that program of Roman Catholic Initiation of Adults
before we could marry. Then I started
hearing and seeing on the news about all those pedopile priests who did unspeakable acts on the male children in the church and how they all got away with it. I didn’t
put any thoughts into it really until a few months ago. The light went on. One of sister’s accused me of blaming his
parents. I know that it wasn’t his
parents. I was thinking a while ago that
it had to be a nun or other person in authority that had done this to him. Noooooo, it had to be a priest. There is no way of getting my husband into
any kind of counseling because if this is true he has been told that if he
tells anyone that there were going to be horrible repercussions. So his mind has buried that and it come out,
unfortunately, to those who do love him…not anyone but their spouse for some
reason. I wrote an article about the
things that Intimacy Anorexics do and it is wise that you read it before
passing judgement on me. They are not the normal abuser.
How this episode started was awful to say the least. Now, I see most things that he does things
that he takes away from me and it isn’t only me either. Many times he will take away from the animals
and our pets. For instance he will go
out and empty all the water dishes…..but he doesn’t refill them, even if I
mention it. He takes no responsibility
for his actions and he lies many times…most times. His first words are that I had a hand in
doing things. Well many months ago one
of the keys got lost that went to the lock on the food bins we have for the dog
and cat foods. I don’t know who or where
that key is and thankfully we have another key that works for that. I simply mentioned that the other key was
missing and the first thing that he did was blame me. That is OK if I was the one who lost it, but
I don’t know and will not take any blame and I didn’t even blame him…but it was
still all my fault.
Okay enough of that background. What really started all this again was that 3
years ago I gave him the budget because of what he did. I had and still have a tight budget to pay
off our bills. That is the way that it
is supposed to be. So one time I had all
the bills sent out to be paid and they were coming through….and then……then….my
husband, without my knowledge at the time that he did it, went to lunch. He never told me that he did and all those
checks that I wrote bounced….every single one of them. He never asked if the money was in there and
they way that I found out was when all the checks were bounced and I had
Overdraft fees all over and they did add up.
I gave the whole budget to him so that he could learn how hard it is
when there is such a miscommunication.
That was the third time that I had to do that and he promised me that we
would not get back into the mess that we were in again. Rrrrrrrrrr, we are now in a worse way…and it is
still all my fault and his excuse is that “I” needed things. It feels like, by the experiences that I have
had to go though in the last few years, that I am not here, until I am to be
blamed for something that I had nothing to do with or that he needs something
done.
In February I took back the budget. He kept waiting until we were near the
grocery store to tell me that I couldn’t spend very much. Well that was fine up until he did it every
time that he got paid and then I started getting many calls from our
creditors. That was when I put my foot
down and told him that I want to take over the budget. You cannot believe how hard that was. I felt like I was sneaking behind his back
and doing something wrong. I was
sneaking behind his back to find the checkbook and many of the bills that he
had hidden in the files in his briefcase.
That wasn’t where they all were though.
I started making copies of the check registry. Some bills were two or months overdue and all
the charges and payments were crazy. I
cried for over two hours when I finally got things together that first night. All he asked me was if I was OK. For god’s sake I was not and I told him
so. I also told him that he did in fact
finally break me. Oh that thing……he told
me that near the end of the first year that we were married. He said to me I will break you like a horse. Well he did and I do not love him
anymore. In fact I am a bit afraid of
him.
Now to bring you up to last night and why I was afraid for
my life……
I have the budget and I allow $25.00 in there for his
gas. He doesn’t take it out; he uses his
debit card….long story with that one too.
Anyway, he told me that he had to get gas, but he told me earlier that
he didn’t use the whole $25.00 that was set aside for him to use. He told me that he doesn’t’ get cash
back. I know that….because he used the
debit card. I asked him how much gas he
charged to the debit card. I asked how
much was the gas that he filled up the car the last time that he didn’t
use. He never told me. Instead he got really upset and started
yelling at me and I told him repeatedly that I just need to know how to put it
in the check register.
He got up out of the chair and had a really nasty look on
his face that for one scared me. I
started to go back into the home office and he followed me. I turned around to look to see where he was
and he was standing about 2 feet from me and looked like an animal about ready
to pounce on me. He was slamming doors
and yelled at me that is what I do. I
truly was scared and my adrenaline was way up over the top. I seriously thought that I was having a heart
attack. Just before this I had put some checks that he
needed to sign in his lap. When he stood
up they fell next to the chair. I asked
him if he got them and he didn’t even know what I was talking about. I said …see this is the Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde
that I talk about. I told him to look
beside his chair…he wouldn’t…he was not the same person he was before this all got
hot. I am not joking about that nor am I
making this bigger that it really is. I
did eventually get them and put him on his lap again after I told him that I do
not want to go near him and that he scared me.
Again he pushed it off and said that he didn’t do anything.
Why Women Don’t Leave an Abusive Relationship
I know why. The women
are afraid of the abuser because they are always afraid that they will be
harmed or killed or stalked. Yes there
are many, too many, accounts where women put restraining orders on their
spouses only for the law to not be held up and they are killed. So they don’t say anything for fear….and that
fear is so real and so great. With an
Intimacy Anorexic they make the other person not able to leave and that has
been what happened to me. They blame their
spouse for things that they had no doing with and that has happened to me. The abuse is never believed because the
abuser is within the community and is portrayed to be a good person so that
when the abused speaks up, they are the one who is called the LIAR and likes to
make stuff up
.
That is why Women Don’t Leave.
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