The Chicken. Farm Life and the Flip Flops

Still working on this and yes that is me by the car we had then.

Years ago We lived on the back of a farm.  The owners were getting up in their years and didn't want to care for much of it anymore.  I don't remember how large it was but there were people who did own some land and a few built houses on it.  We were one of those people.  We owned an acre of land and we did not have a Home Owners or restrictions as to what we could have on that land.  It was a nice lot and had a slope in the back to a level piece of land. It was very wooded and partly wooded at the top of the land. The top was also level and flat as well.  Kind of nice if you ask me.  The only thing that we had problems with was the clay soil and lots of it.  We had a large garden (40 x 80 feet) that we painstakenley dug the rocks from and did get to rototill it and put compste in it. It was on the slope and we were getting vegetables from it for a family of four.  We even had a Goat whose name was Claire and she was a French Alpin.  We had chickens and ducks and rabbits and dogs and cats..  It was our mini farm and I loved it.

We had neighbors who lived across the street and they had two children named Brad and Stacy.  The mom was Gloria and I forget what the husband's name was but I think it was Joh.  Anyway they invited us over to kill one chicken for our dinner.  We said sure and we wlked over there which was about 1/4 mile.  It was summer and hot and I wore my new 1 inch Flip Flops.

Gloria and I sat drinking Ice Tea as the guys and Brad were killing the chicken in the area surrounded by tall grasses.  Stacy was around somewhere as were my girls, Missy and angie.

We heard lots of noise coming from the area where the guys were.  Gloria had done this many times and my husband and I did not.  It was our first time!  It is funny now thinking about it but at the time it was a little horrific.

James came out from the grasses and I swear to you he was green in the face.  I didn't think it would affect him that much but we had to go home so that I could de-feather it quick before it went bad. Let me tell you even way back then fresh does not tasted anything like the chickens you buy in the stores.  Gamier is what I would call it.  I don't remember ever doing that again nor wanting too.  Funny!  So we did get our taste of what it was like to actually live off the land.

Done except for the Shutters.  House was Yellow and Shutter were  Red. In the front left we had a Tulip Garden with Black (deep Purpple or Blue) tulips.

Finally the noise stopped and James, the girls, and  and I were walking up there rocky rustic, country driveway when my foot slipped on a big rock that I failed to see.  My ancle decided to press outwards instead on inwards and I fell down and could not get back up.  That night I did not sleep at all and my husband did not believe me how much it hurt.  I was finally taken toe the ER and they told me that I had twisted my ankle and tore my ligament in the Achilles Tendon.  I was put in a soft cast and told not to go up stairs.  Ha!! I had to go up and down stairs.  My house was a split foyer.  3 Bedrooms and Bath upstairs and basement under that and on the right was the Living Room, Kitchen and Dining Room.  So I had to travel up those steps to get food and to go to the bathroom.  Geesh!  I did manage going up and down on my behind.  Took longer but I did it.  I was in that cast for 6 weeks.  I never wore Flip Flops again and will not now.

We also worked for a Jehovah's Witness preacher (Mr. Terrell) on the weekends.  He sold computers and did lots of work with them.  I helped proofread and my husband did some programming for him. He also had a huge farm full of corn and a few cows for his family. I got all the corn we could ever want and I was taught how to milk a cow.  That was interesting and did help us out very much.  I would fill my freezer half full of corn.  I learned how to make butter too from my goats named Claire.  I tell you there is nothing like fresh butter and you cannot buy it from the grocery store. That was one of the Best of Times for me.

Ge-od What a time!  Funny now but it wasn't then.

I have Come A Long Way To Here!

It has been a year since my stroke last summer and I am ready to tell you about my experiences.

They have a picture of the inside of my eye and they take that same picture every single time that I go there. They give me a diolator first and sometimes a anesthesia that works too a point. So I can see what is going on too. They said that there was a lot of fluid in my eye. I don't where it comes from or how it gets there but they do know how to get rid of it, which is good.It has been a year since my stroke in 2019 and a whole lot of changes made. This last time I had a dr. visit and they put the diolator in my eye and it hurt so bad that I wanted to punch them in the face so that they could feel it too. We also had the pleasure of living through a pandemic of what was/is called Corona Virus or Covid-19.  That didn't affect me personally that much because now I cannot drive and it has been a while since I could see enough and be steady enough on my feet to move around much.

The first thing that I noticed about two months after my stroke was my vision.  It was and is still very weird and not anything like I was expecting at all. I noticed the my depth perception was gone and I could not hold anything that someone was giving me cause where I thought it was it wasn't there.  Still have problems with this but now I am a bit better able to deal with it.  If I miss it then I just know that it really isn't there and try again and eventually I get it.  It may take me a few times but I do get it.  Tough road.  My vision was blurry while I was having a very bad headache.  I thought it was a Migraine as I posted earlier.  I still think it was some sort of blood clot, not caused by Diabetes.  Do you know how hard it is to fry anything with a blurred vision, depth perception out and can't see colors very well?  Hardest things I have ever had to do.  So I don't fry things much at all.  My crock pot comes in handy! I also had to learn other ways of cooking eggs and such.  There is a really neat way to cook them in the oven.  Been learning how to do things differently for a while now and things will not go back to the same ways again.

I could not longer type or read at all and cooking was totally out.  I am not allowed to take things up and down stars either.  Takes driving away from me as well, which worked out fine for me and the Corona Virus lockdowns and such. Eating with a fork on my plate is a bit on the ridiculous side and I stopped eating after a few bites of trying to stab the food that I could not figure out where it was on the plate.  I still do that just not as bad.  It is a learning process for sure.

My demeanor has changed very much.  I cuss more because I am finding that there are no nice words in describing what I am feeling when I am feeling it.    My temper is very short now and find it hard to stay calm longer.

Oh and just a few weeks ago I did find out what this is all caused by.  It has been really a good thing that I learned about this but a bad thing that I learned it too late.  I had the head ache that would drive anyone crazy but it also showed the my sugar was very high as well.  I have no idea why my sugar got that high.  The said it was because of my Diabetes, but I did not have Diabetes and certainly did not years before my strik.  The exact same symptoms show up in a lack of Chromium.  Yes a simple trace mineral deficiency.  Surprised me much when I happened up that.  And to tell you the truth nobody believes me.  Riiiight!  I did not make it up but going through my book it had those things in it and I just happened to read that topic and was very surprised.  One, not a single soul in the medical offices or Dr.s said anything about this to me at all.  They simply want to sell drugs!  I haven't taken their drugs for a long time and will never. A Chromium Deficiency Does a lot with Glucose levels in the bloodstream, (GTF)) which makes the energy for the body, It synchronizes the fats, proteins and cholesterol and it plays a vital role in that.  It is also responsible for High Blood Pressure!  Low amounts of this also causes Hypertension and is associated with Coronary Artery Disease. The average diet is insufficient in Chromium.  It is not in the soil, but can be taken with pills and is called a supplement. Why do not any Physicians know about this?  They are wrapped up giving people drugs that have many side effects and some even give you what you are trying to get rid of?  This supplement has no side effects. I wish I knew when I became or how I became deficient in this and I would have gotten that straight form th beginning.  So much learned so fast.

Hard to read this but it says about what I said in the paragrpah before this picture.

The next signs that I experienced with my vision it went to just being about to see everything like in the clay that pottery is made from and all grey for a few weeks.  Wow that scarred me to no end. I thought that I would never be able to see normally again.  I wanted to sit and cry but that would not do any good.  I don't cry for myself like that but only for a dying pet or loved one. They told me to go to an eye doctor and they sent me to a place 3 1/2 hours away.  I live very close to one clinic but the insurance would not cover in another state and so I had to go to the one in Morgantown.

Nobody took into account that I had fallen a few weeks before this head ache and dizziness.  The dizziness was very mild at first.  That didn't bother me as much as it did my husband.  He was in the other part of the state while this was going on and I got into an accident.  I told the police man that I will never go around a roundabout ever again, and I will not.  It wa worse after I came home from the hospital.  I could not even get out of the shower I was so dizzy.  I was not going back into that hospital again.  It seems that they have blinder on to what is really happening and what they think is happening for others.
  Scared me and I will not go back into the hospital again, on account that they denied me food and water and would not give me my last pain killer and lied about that.  I hate being lied to.  I also think they had to wait until my sugar was low enough and that took a few days without a stitch of food.  The answer they gave me was that they had to see if I could swallow before giving anything to eat.  Like I said I had being lied too.  That was just an awful answer and never to this day makes any sense to me at all.


I still have the pain in my knees when I fell prior to going to the hospital and I  don't think it is going away anytime soon.  I also have a pis in my arm too.  Though I had that pain at least a years prior to the hospital visit.  Still there and can't lift anything up over my shoulder  and can't push anything down either. I don't know if any of this can be fixed now.  Stupid Dr.s all they want is money and not help.

The place they sent me to see my eyes, that Dr. is nice, but they are still asking me if I am taking my Blood Sugar levels and I tell them no, because I know it was not Diabetes.  Always known this and now with this new information truly know this.  I have been taking Chromium and Cinnamon pills with my breakfast and yes it is helping.  Today I feel good!  Really good except my vision is still off, but I can see colors and my depth perception comes and goes.

What they did at that center was give me laser treatments and no these are not the same as the Cataract treatments and hurt like all get out, even after the stuff they gave me to numb my eyes.  When they did the first laser shot it threw me off and I did jump back.  That was a natural response to pain. It felt just like someone took some big needles or pins and I mean big, and poked them in my eyes.  She asked if I was ready for some pain and I said yes, but I was not expecting that much pain.  She had to burn each and every blood vessel in and around my Rhetina.  About  a thousand shots in one eye was almost way too much and I did not really want to go back to get the other eye done.

Oh Wait it gets better!  Now I am getting Avastia shots, from syringes inserted in my eye,  Right in the Retina itself not around it or in any other part of the ye.

Avastin is a drug used to treat wet age-related macular degeneration (AMD). It is also used to treat diabetic eye disease and other problems of the retina. It is injected into the eye to help slow vision loss from these diseases.

Avastin is the brand name for the drug, which is called bevacizumab. It blocks the growth of abnormal blood vessels in the back of the eye. Those blood vessels can leak and affect vision, causing vision loss from wet AMD and diabetic eye disease.

Other side effects may include:

• eye redness
• being extra sensitive to light (yes I have this at times)
• eye pain
• swelling inside the eye (Dr. has seen some of this)
• changes in vision, including blurriness, floaters, and seeing double images
• dry or itchy eyes
• feeling like something is in your eye ( did not know this but have some of this every now and again)

The first one was scary and hurts lots and it made my eyes tear for some time afterwards and I though that was it.  Hahaha,  I have had my third shot here and the next one will be in the last week of August.

The second shot had to be rescheduled the next moth because we were on LockDown for the Covid-19.    We were not allowed out of our houses for anything but groceries.  That lasted about a moth and then they have strict stipulations visiting hospitals and doctors offices.  This last time was crazy!  My husband could drop me off and I had to wear a mask and get the stuff they needed to do to my eyes and then somehow find my way out of the office and get my husband to pick me up.  I will tell you that as soon as I got into the car that mask came off.  I had a hard time breathing,  Yes a hard time breathing.  This Covid-19 stuff is nuts to the top!!!

So they were trying to get rid of the yellow that I saw when I was in the sun.  All I saw was a yellow hue blanketing everything that I was seeing.  They did find u that was in my eye too and gave the me the next shot to see if it would get rid of it.  YES I did

I am steadier on my feet now.  That is better than before and much more trustworthy that even two weeks before my stroke.  This does something to your confidence I found.  I was afraid to walk around my yard or in the drive way or in the street.  Tory me up pretty bad when I could not walk in my gardens or do any gardening at all.

So I have had to find new ways of doing things and relearning some things.  I still can talk and I have notice my temper is shortened a bit.  But I am trying my hardest to overcome all this health and eye stuff and not back down when things are lies and I know that they are lies fro some medical personnel.  My husband has been a good trouper with me and my shorter temper and doing things for me that I used to do and can't now.  Oh in the begging when my eyesight was bad I could see in front of me and not really good the distance things.  Now it is totally opposite.  Eating with a fork or utensils is hard for me and a bit hard when we go out and eat and I get so frustrated in eating that I never finish my meals.  I end up taking it hoe cuz I just get so tired of feeding my face, literally.  Crazy isn't it?

During the pandemic I have lost two of my gi goy cats about a month apart.  Frederick and Sidney and they are adaly missed.  I also lost an Aunt that I didn't know about and an Uncle the I did but could not make it to either funeral.  So sad and I and my husband visted them a few weeks before.

We are still in the pandemic and this will affect all of us for years to come.  Some things have changed drastically and some not as bad.


Now with my Diet concerns and abilities.  I was given the name of a Dietician and she went over my hospital visit and came up with a diet aht I would eat half of what I would normally eat.  Okay I had a hard time with that for one reason they all think that I got Diabetes from my weight and that they do not like me weighing what I do, which is only 122.  I am not obese and never was.  This is the highest I ever weighed as far as I can remember.  So I did try her diet but like I said I do not think I am Diabetic.

I went to another Dietician and she told me that I should not eat white such as rice, cereal, fruits, bread, pasta or grains, and want me to be totally carb free..  I was taking something to help me with my weight and I told her that I was taking it and she got all flustered and upset and told me not to take it because it was not FDA approved.  Well that got me doin ore research and found out that the FDA did in fact approve it and it was in other medicines and the like in 1994.  She did not know and she was not going to investigate it.  What the hell!!!  So I printed it out and cancelled any appointments with her.  Meanwhile I was to work out and do more things, and taking care of cats and gardening were not enough.  Well not being able to see stopped me from walking, which I was doing regularly.  My A1C was high in the hospital and as you all know I researched that and just write it on my previous blog post about this. I had come down three whole points in two months time!  To me that was a very good start.  It didn't seem so for her.

I still have problems seeing and it is hard for me to type this long post but I am stubborn and will do it.  I think  that is what is keeping me going... stubborness.  I never have had a good relationship with Dr.s and I wonder why they feel it is right to lie to their patients.   As you can read my other posts here you can see why I do not like any Dr or hospital.  Funny that!

Coming home after my hospital visit was not a fun idea as it was 103 degrees and I thought that I was going to die.  I really thought that I was going to die! I did mostly laying around for a couple of weeks.  Then I had a doctors appointment with my primary care physician and that did not go over to well with her or me for that matter.  She told me that in my charts there was a pages that said Colonoscopies but nothing after that page.  I was upset because I had paid to get those and gave them all to the desk clerk and they lost them all!  There were 9 colonoscopies that I had had through the years.  Some of which I ended up in the hospital for.  Anyway she told me that she would put me back on the Warfarin and I said no you will not.  She didn't even ask me why.  Then she wanted me to take a baby aspirin and I said now I will not take that and I told her why and she just said that a little bit of bleeding isn't going to hurt me.  Then she asks me what she could help me with and I said nothing. She then asked my husband what he thought of it all.  He told her that if I do not take them it is not going to help me and and that was my choice.  He didn't know the whole story of why I would not take them either until I told him afterwards in the car going home. I was really upset with her that she didn't know that while I was on Warfarin for three years that I had three blood clots and a bleed out.  And she did not have any of my colonoscopy records either.  She threatened me by saying that I will be back in the hospital again soon.  I said to her No I Won't.So my husband said lets go and we walked out of her office.  I have never been back since.  I don't know what these new doctors are being taught but it isn't much.  Having a bleed out was very painful.  It feels like something is stabbing you stomach on the inside out.  Very painful and made me double over in pain.  And she though there is no pain with a small bleed out.  Bull!  Many people do not understand that either until I put that pain into words, the best I know how.

On the way home I did get her prescriptions filled and took them until I was having a bad reaction to the one drug Metforim.  So I did my research and found there is a lawsuit on it.  Man I could not get to the bathroom fast enough before I was throwing up and had the worst diarrhea in my life at the same time.  My bathroom is only 12 feet away from my bed.
She gave me another version of the same drug to try and when I went to have it filled the Pharmacist talked to me asking why I changed the drugs.  For God Sake he should be asking my Dr. that question!  No matt after taking that and had the same effects as the one that wasn't coated I stopped taking it altogether.  I did not like Statins so I did not take that anymore either and the one for the Cholesterol, I stopped taking that as well. I just don't like chemicals in my body.

The biggest problem is numbers. It is hard reading them off my cards to put them into a database or order forn online. Sometimes, not as often now, I have to have my husband read them to me and I type them in. I could not pay bills for a while and had the hard time teaching my husband how to and that was something. I would cry and get upset and had to walk away for an hour or so. See I remember where things are on my keyboard but my fingers decide where and what keys they hit. Crazy!! So I am constantly re checking things out.

So I have come a long way since last year.
I started with the stoke which I thought was a Migraine and all a huge friggen headache that got worse when I took a hot shower and a had a slight dizziness with walking around.
Hey I can remember being able to see the sky with white Clouds and blue sky.  That was a big day that day and totally wonderful  I was seeing everything in the sky as browns and it all looked the same.
Then my vision was sort of a tunnel vision and could only see half of everything to now seeing better peripheral vision and now colors and shapes and many things, just not distinctly like individual leaves on the trees like clearly. The only thing I have no is not being able to see close up, like eating food from my plate.
I was very dizzy after coming home from the hospital and now I am not dizzy at all and know my steps and where I am walking.  Got my self-confidence back Whew Hoo!
Good things!

Addition:

One other thing I forgot to mention is I cannot write real good anymore.  When I have take a message for my husband I need to tell the person to go slow as U had a stroke last years and for some reason I can't see what I am writing and to take their time.

My Father is Waiting For Her

My sister and I are not seeing eye to eye anymore and she has decided to tell me what to do and how to do it and thinks that I know nothing of my mom.  I did post something about what she told me on FB and she got all huffy about me taking it down.  She cussed which didn't look good on her and the way she said it didn't look good on her either.  She treats me like a child and well I am the oldest and she will not treat me like that.  I refuse that for anyone. My sister harps on her money and how she is spending it and got a Power Of Attorney, (which my sister will not give me the name or number of because I will not remove my post.  Silly! to deal with all that and then she called me and told me some things that I didn't ask about.  My mom is upset with her doing that all the time.  My suster calls her every day and does this and my mom is tired of it.  I never talk about her finances but we do know about them and how much she gets deposited in her bank every month and it is not from anything from my dad or the Will.  My sister knows nothing about that.  I do hope she stops doing that.  

She mentioned to me that mom had gone into the hosptial and that she was trying to use toothpase as viginal cream.  She has a very bad Urinary Tract Infection.  That is a side effect of one of the drugs that she is one.  My suste tells me that I don't know what I am talking about.  What she doesn't know is every time she calls me I do call my mom.  I may not get ot talk to her but I do ask questions form the care givers that help her on a daily basis.  My sister told me that she will not tell me anything about my mom until I take what I said down.  Not happening!  I call mom often as I can and I like to let her get her rest and them not get her up if she is sleeping.

Last time I called when I posted that thing she did not like was asking why they would put vaginal cream and toothpaste near each other in a bathroom cabinet.  I never mentioned anybody's name. Come to find out nobody in my mom's house had vagianl cream in the whole house. So my sister told me to take it down and that was her fault for starting that negative comment on public for all to see.  She has my e-mail address now and refuses to use it or even read it. I told her that she can stop telling me about mom because she has held information form ie in the past.  I will never forgive her for not telling me abut my father's gravesite for four years.  Oh she just tole me that she contacted me when that happened but she didn't even know my e-mail address and she still does not use it now that she has it. So it will not not bother me because I will talk to my mom and not wait for her to call me, which I don't think she can. I called and told all the caregivers that I would like to be called first when my mom has to go into the hospital from now  on.  I am the oldest and about time that my sister realizes this and my mom too.  People think that my mom should have been the one to tell me about my father. That is here nor there now, but still  hurts like hell.

Here is what I do know about my mome, that my sister doesn't think that I do.

The night that she was taken to the hospital she hadn't slept in 2 days, my sister told me 5 days.  My mom was out of her mind then and told here caregivers that she was not home.  She has lived in her home for many years.  She had a caregiver that was not on the up and up and she thinks that she took her to a place on mainstreet and won't let her come back to the house that she lives in.  She said that she would not be there long.  She also pooped in her pants in the hospital and in the car.  That is a side effect of one of the drugs that she is on.  I know this for a fact because I was on that drug for a very short time.  Yet I don't know what I am talking about. This is why I would like for her to be taken off all the drugs that she is on for about a month.  She needs to detox. She is Diabetic but I don't think that she is because of what I have gone through and have written about. Yes I have told this to some of the cregivers and my suster too.  

There are ways that you can reverse Diabetes ands what I am doing that my suster doesn't think that I know these things just because I will not do as they want me to or she says to do. Here is the link to that article and one of my friends that has done this says it is true.  80% of Diabetics Can Reverse Their Disease – Here’s How 

They put mom on a new drug that makes her calmer that she was, but they say that she needs to be watched as she sleeps all the time now. That bothers me. What other side effects will there be with that one and mixing withe the other drugs she is on. Oh and my mom is wondering what drugs she is taking too because when we were there a few visits ago she asked one of the caregivers what drugs she was taking and she told her just drugs.  That worried me!

Her story about how she and my father met is a wonderous one and I think it is the way that she will go from this world to the next.

My father graduated the year before her and he waited for her until the day of graduation.  He them came up to to her and asked her if she was ready.  She didn't know what she was to be ready for.  He said to be married.  They were married soon after, I think the day after or so. 

 

He is waiting for her this time to be ready too.  I got that feeling when she said about being in that other house and she will not be there long and she was kind of a prisoner there from that caregiver. That caregiver was fired long ago and the pull that she still has on my mom is strange.

Progrees 6 months Post Stroke

Now that I have shown you all the stoke and why I think it was not Diabetes I will tell yu what it is like after a stroke happening with the vision.

Everything that one thinks as easy or normal and an everyday thing is frustrating to the max and time consuming.  More than one thinks it is especially me that I like to be independent.

Oh I have gotten my husband to do the simplest things and then there are those things that are just hard and I have to do them by myself.

I love writing and sharing.  I love keeping the budget clean and up to date and all the bills paid and what is due and what is not due.  I can't do that now and I hate that I have no control over that now.  I have no control......that is the real thing that bothers me so much.  I have to rely on my husband so much now.

Funny thing that nobody realizes especially the doctors is that they know I have vision problems and then they go and give me something to read!  I can't read it!  They forget that all the time.  Funny!

Typing is a big thing in my life now.  Oh I have done much things to my computer so that I can see and red and type, but that is a slow process.  I make all kinds of spelling and typo's.  I go off the deep end when someone points that out and I do not know them.  I will take corrections from friends though.  God they are so useful and needed at this time.

I got the colors to read on my computer in yellow on black screens and when they all of sa sudden change to grey on whit that hurts my eyes and give me an immediate headache.  With the yellow on black I can't see the red under errors.  I can see the underline though and try my best to correct them.  Some I stilll miss though.  They cursor I did make bigger but for some stu[od reason it goes back to the tiny white one and can't see that until I roll my mouse a few times to get it.  gggrrr.

Eating is very frustrating.
My depth perception is still out of whack! I filled my coffee machine with water and didn't realize that I missed the big hole in it until I felt water on the floor in front of me.  I was going to pour some soup onto a smaller container and missed the smaller container.  Good Grief!!

Earlier I would just stop eating because it was so nerve-wracking and frustrating that I had to even small amount to take a break and just breath in deep.  Using a fork is horrible when eating out as I don't hit the food on my plate and have to do it several times to get it to stay on my fork.

Cooking at home is the pts cauze I burn some of it now cuz I can't see colors that much.  I can but they are muted.  We go out most of the time and then I can eat two or three meals out of one order.  Not doing that diet thing when you can't do it cuz of your abilities taken from you.  Sure I don't do the white stuff like pasta, rice, cereal and breads, but some times I don't have a choice.  I don't think all those younger doctors and such understand that stuff because they have not actually experienced that.  BIG DIFFERENCE in diagnosing and putting together a plan that will work.  I am doing lots of soups and lot less cooking on the stove.  Every time I try to fry and egg it turns out scrambled.  Even the scrambling is not coming out like it used to.  Too durn hard right now.  I hard boil my eggs and make egg salad for my breakfast and lunch and dinner sometimes.  Good grief not being able to have bread and sandwiches is very hard to get used too.  Same with sopping up soup and stews.  Give me a break people! Those that think that this is easy they have no idea what is is a realty like!!

Another thing with this is that I don't eat three whole meals a day because I lose patience.  I eat small meals through out the day  More like snacking instead of full meals.  Good grief how am I supposed to take my drugs (Komjac Root GLUCOMANNAN) (FDA APPROVED 1994 and is used for Diabetes and weight loss.) that I take before meals. That is confusing.

Taking a nap is more common now.  Oh it isn't because I am tired or not wanting to do anything.  It is to rest my eyes and stop the madness of seeing things in an odd way.  Most times I am looking through a yellow bridle veil.  Try it sometime.  It makes thing blurry and hard to see the edges of things.  Everything that is and have to concentrate to see what really is there and not what my mind thinks is there.  Hard and frustrating to the max.  At first my husband though that I was just looking at things too long, then now he realizes that I am just trying to see what it is or where it is.  I need specific directions to where something in because I can be looking in that direction but not see what it is he wants.  Lights are good but not good enough and sometimes they make everything more yellow and less clear.  I have lights in my office and they drive me crazy sometimes.  I have found that those lights on your head wrap is perfect for me and have no lights on at all.  I need to find a light that is just over my keyboard and not shine on the screen.  Still haven't found one that works yet.

Using the phone....gawd!  I cannot see the numbers on the pad to dial or push!  Calling my mom is bad because I can dial it a few times and still not the right numbers.  She understands and doesn't ex[ect me to call her every day....because I can't  I can't see the numbers on the caller ID and end up picking up for a telemarketer and hanging up on them.  I don't want to talk to them at all.  We keep getting calls that are looking for us to sell our house.  After what we been through and what Wells Fargo caused it to happen.  I still and will always put the blame for my stoke on them and no my diet.  They never gave up trying to take our house for three years duration and the fighting to get them to pay the right account when we did make a big payment.  That was what put me over.  One bill they had to re-do 3 times in one month because the amount that we sent them did not go directly into our account but a GENERAL FUNDS one that we never had.  Talk about frustrating and hanging up on them when they kept asking for the money that they said we owed and did not.  High and long periods of stress will give you high blood pressure and headaches and much more.


What they don't mention is HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE and I heard this on the local news last night. Remember this!!
Stress symptoms: Effects on your body and behavior https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/stress-management/in-depth/stress-symptoms/art-20050987?fbclid=IwAR3C1sGQeI4I-V31XqGzolGpfOYZNwY3bnWfjXLttktLJLg_X3eD2wfe3NE
The weather has a lot to do with my sight.  When it is sunny, it is bad and that is when I see through the yellow viel and not clearly.  When it rains, nothing is in the light and everything seems to have black around it and I only see good in the middle.  That is how I see my credit card numbers to pay bills online and what I am using to pay.  Can't see them.  2 or 3 numbers at a time in good conditions.,  When it is just overcast and no raain clouds is the best for my vision.

Oh and I used to hate night driving and I can see everything clearly.  I can't drive now or walks down steps very good.  Walking up steps is easier but I am not allowed to carry anything up or down the steps.  My husband has to do the laundry too.   I used to care how laundry was done and darks and light were separate.  I don't care much anymore and nether about folding them right.  They are in the draws so I cn just pull them out when needed.  I used to be a perfectionist in some things....not anymore.  Losing ones sight really turns ones life upside down and inside out.

I will find a way to do the things that I love and persevere.  I will never give up.