Whispers From Oz - Chapter 9

By Lady Guinevere

Happy Valentine's Day

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I looked in the local paper and there was a Valentine's Day Singles Dance in the area. So I called the contact number and got all the information. I have never done anything like this before and it was completely new territory for me.

I wasn't sure if I was ready to go date or not, but I was gonna try. I promised myself that I was not going to get involved with anyone and was only going to have some fun meeting other people.

The day came of the Dance and I got into my red dress because it was Valentine's Day and had to wear red. The dress wasn't revealing or anything like that but it was pretty and the skirt half flowed kind of nice around my legs. I also wore heals--not stilettos. I cannot wear them to this day even though my girls bought me a pair. I was nervous as can be when I arrived at the local Comfort Inn that this was being held at. Funny looking back it was fun, but now they don't have a Singles Dance in this are anymore.

I got out of my little red Toyota Tercel and closed the door behind me and stood there for a minute to gather my courage up. After a few seconds of that I walked to the door and then took a deep breath. Here I was with at 16 year old daughter, divorced for about 5 years and starting the teen ages years all over again. Kind of scary. What I had known all my life was now gone. I never wanted to really meet anymore men and I was kind of getting comfortable with myself and my situation and I could finally say that I depended on no one to make me happy....on myself. I didn't need a man.

All that soon went out of my head when someone else came in behind me. So in the hotel entranceway and down the stairs I went.

I stood at the open door of the room where they had the dance. On the left side was the Dj and the table where he had everything set up. On the right was the small bar where they served drinks. The tables had white tablecloths them and the centerpieces were of valentines and flowers and such. The DJ saw me standing there. I was kind of frozen with fear something akin to stage fright, He was an a bit overweight, blondish greying hair and about 9 inches taller than I was. He glided over towards me and asked if this was the first time that I had been here. I said Yeah first time been to anything like this. He walked me over to his DJ table and we made small talk and exchanged names. This is another one of those Whispers From OZ and you will just have to put the puzzle together with each new paragraph and bit of information.

His name was Bruce Alan. He was charming and a very nice man. I kind of stuck to him like velcro that night for he was the first man that I had really met, not counting bosses and co-employees. I am a people watcher and will watch people do whatever it is that they do. So I finally went and sat down at one of the tables. I didn't sit very long until someone came up and asked me to dance.

This guy towered over me--well being 5 foot tall many men tower over me. We went around the dance floor looking for an opening. We didn't go anywhere but around circles. Well most dances that you do on a crowded dance floor only allow you enough room to go in circles. I didn't feel anything from this man. We really didn't talk either. It was a strange feeling. After that song he went across the room and danced with someone else and I went and sat down at the table again. I did get a coke to sip on while there. I watched more people as the tootled around the dance floor.

I meandered on over back to the Bruce and we talked a little bit more. He told me that he went to another place after he got off there and invited me to come along. So I did.

We went to a bar in the next town. He bought me a drink and I drank it because I wanted to loosen up a bit. Only I didn't realize how late that I would be out. Next thing I know I was in the front seat of his car making out with him. Ohh boy I wasn't ready for that---or was I. I didn't have sex for 5 years! Good grief how the body knows what it wants and intercepts what the brain says!

When it was time to leave, I thought that the alcohol was gone enough for me to drive home. Hell I had to drive home by myself. I didn't have anywhere to stay and I had a daughter at home who was problably waiting up for me.

I drove home and I was already tired and still a little inebriated. I concentrated on keeping focus and my eyes open and I really wished that I had toothpicks to hold my eyes open even wider.  I drove down the road alot slower than usual. I did fine until I came into the town that I lived in. I had to go up one side of the mountain and down the other and into our development. That was part of the problem because if you went off the side of the road on the mountain you went straight down. Straight down through trees that is.  There have been many people that ended up there. One lady lost control of her vehicle and wasn't found for 3 days!  She was fine and survived, but just thinking about that gives me goosbumps.  She said that she survived on those convenience store packs of crackers and some water she had in a bottle. Ever since I heard of that I keep bottled water and snack things in the car under my seat just in case.

Anyway back to me driving up the mountain. As soon as I got to my town limits it did the worst thing that it could do. Man I was being tested! It started to snow. Being tired and a little drunk and having to go up the side of that mountain was test enough. Driving in slick wet snow was the final straw. Good thing it was like 2 in the morning and no one else was driving on the roads. It was like a ghost town. Usually there is someone else that is going to work or coming home, but that night there was no one. It was kind of creepy too.

The Toy Collector And The Flying Saucer

A few weeks before I called that psychic I did see someone else for a short while  I didn't consider it dating.  I only saw him for a couple of weeks. He thought the world of me and that makes ones self esteem rise and all those good things that I really needed.  Only the feeling was not mutual. The feelings just weren't there, at all.

Larry was a nice man, he collected all the small toys out of all the happy meals from many restaurants. That was neat because his whole apartment was filled with them. All kinds from burger people to all the trucks with the company logos on them and more. He lived in an apartment over top of a house. I can't really explain it but there was a staircase the went up the side of the house where the apartment was. Some weird things happened while i was seeing him.

He drank alot and took drugs right before he wanted to go to bed with me in his apartment. He wasn't educated and couldn't read. He wanted me to teach him how and I said that I would only the relationship didn't last that long. I didn't care too much for someone that did that. He had erectile problems when he drank and took drugs.

For the three times that I was there and went to bed with him I waited to he passed out and got up quietly and drove home. I could not stand the smell, It made me gag. I could not stay there.

One night he was driving me home it was a very eerie experience. As he drove up the side of the mountain you could see the houses and farm below. It was a very crisp cold and clear night. It was around midnight or just before. I looked up and saw a spaceship. It was a saucer type. I wiped my eyes several times and I was fully awake and I was not drinking or smoking anything. I looked at this light in the truck and figured out that they weren't reflection off the window. The lights that I saw were in a straight line and there were yellows, blues and reds.I never told anybody about it for fear that they would think I was crazy or nuts. I know what I saw and it wasn't an airplane--they wouldn't be able to hover near the mountain that close and it would have been that big to block the view of the farms and houses below the mountain. I was kind of afraid and my body kind of got frozen until we reached the four way at the top of the mountain. I kept looking at the dashboard lights and was hoping that was what I was seeing and not what I was thinking that I was seeing. They weren't in the same order or the same color as the lights that I was seeing.

I tried to break up with Larry but he didn't understand that I didn't want to see him anymore. Every time that he called on the phone I told Angie to tell him that I wasn't here. Finally I had to lie to him and tell him that I was getting married. Ha! He wanted to go to the wedding. Finally after a few weeks he got the message and stopped calling. I really do hope that he found the right person for him. I just know it wasn't me.  After this fiasco I really didn't want to go anywhere or see anyone.  I was so fed up with men that they could have lived on teh other side of the planet for all I cared.

The Next Morning

I made it home and guess who was in the living room. Yep, my daughter. The first thing that she said was "Where in hell have you been? Do you realize What time it is?" I felt like I was a teenager again. Strange how things can turn around like that. Hahahaha!

Anyway I went to bed and slept good until the next morning when I had to get up and take her to the mall where we meet with her dad and he takes her with him for the weekend.

I really hated those times. I wasn't upset that he wanted to see her and she wanted to see him so bad It was because of his actions towards me. He totally ignored me. I mean he doesn't talk to me nor does he look at me or anything. It's been like 20+ years and he still ignores me. He has spoken maybe 10 words to me in all that time. Even at our oldest daughter's wedding many years later he did the same thing. Oh we had pictures taken together as the original family, but that is the only time we had ever been

So I drop her off and go back home to an empty house. It doesn't sound as bad as that because I kind of like being alone sometimes. I had my two cats and took care of them and they took care of me. I would put wood in the fireplace and had a warm glow going through the house and curled up in front of the TV and watched movies. The good ole days....hmmmm.

You Just Crossed Over Into The Twilight Zone

The Singles Dances were once a week and I did go back the next week. This time I danced with someone that was just about 5 inches taller than I and I was kind of hoping that we would get to dating. I was looking for someone that wouldn't really tower over me all that much. I kind of envy those couples who are matched up almost the same size as their partner. So we danced and I was looking around the room as I always do--hey I am a people watcher.

I was kind of taken by surprise when he pulled me closer to him in a tigher grip than I was expecting. He told me that while I wasndancing with him that I was supposed to be focused on him only. We finished dancing and I did not go back to dance with him again. That kind of put me off, if you know what I mean.

I went to talk to Bruce again and he dared me to dance with a taller man that was dancing with another tall woman of dark hair. I couldn't do it at first. Bruce kept daring me and finally after abut three times I went and stood by this other man. I was scared stiff! I am always that way when going to places with more than three or four people. It's that stage fright thing again. I still have it to this day.

Anyway, he danced with me and then when the song was over he followed me to the table where I was sitting. We exchanged names and his name was Dennis Allen. <theme song from Twilight Zone and a Whisper From OZ> There was something about this man that peeked my interest and so I gave him my phone number and left it up to him if he wanted to call me or not.

A few days had passed and I thought to myself that eh, he isn't going to call me back. So I went on with being me and not expecting anything. The next evening Dennis calls me up. We talk and at the end we agree to meet at the next Singles Dance.

Tying Up Loose Ends

I wasn't done with Bruce yet though. We met again at the bar and he bought me free drinks again. This time I knew better and only had one! The next two were straight Cokes. The next thing that happened was a bit strange.

Some woman came and sat next to me at the bar and I thought that she knew Bruce. Well she did and then she looked at me and asked if I would be able to wake up next to Bruce everyday. I thought that was a strange thing to ask since I had only "dated" Bruce twice. That got me curious as to who she was and what relationship she had with Bruce.

So when we went out to his car, we didn't make out that night. I barraged him with lots of questions about this woman and who she was and what she had to do with him. I found out some interesting things. She was a friend of his that cared about him. He also told me something that floored me. He then told me that he was married and he was having difficulties in his marriage and was looking to get a divorce. Well, I never would have thought that. I never would have had sex with him either. Oh and this was not the first time this kind of thing has happened to me either. I don't know why or how I get lied to like that. I was just glad that I wasn't in too deep or had fallen for this guy.

So now I was done with him. He did make me a tape of songs though and to this day I dan't know where he is. I tried finding him only because he got Dennis and I hooked up and a good thing came of it and I wanted to thank him.

The Land Of Confusion

Moving on To Dennis

The next Singles Dance was around Mother's Day and Dennis and I hit it off real good. He was very nice, opened doors for me and walked me out to the car. We decided that we weren't done enjoying each others company and so we decided that we were going to meet at the nearby Denny's to grab a bit to eat. He had been busy all day and he was hungry. It was late and so we met at the Denny's down the street. That Denny's is now longer there either. Ahhh so much for memories and going back to the places that you had first really met.

We get there and I am nervous and all get out. We get a table and not a booth. So we order a big plate of french fries and heap lots of catsup on them. I kind of like mine on the side so I divided some for me on another plate. We stay way late and Dennis tries to embarrass me by telling me some stories that would embarrass a normal girl, but I wasn't that easy so I did it back to him. Flirting is fun!

We stayed so long after the place wanted to close we ended up going out to his car. We did not make out. I was fixed after the last guy. No more doing that for me. We talked and we talked and we talk some more. After they had turned off the outside lights I did something so out of the ordinary for me. I asked him to come to my place. I don't know why I did that because I had a 16 year old daughter at home. That was not the message that I wanted to give her. Though I was an adult and she a teen and I had to live life for myself and find a companion. I had not dated for 5 years and it was 7 years by the tine that I met Dennis.

Oh something else happened that was a total shock to me. One of the times that he met me at the Singles Dance we were talking and I asked him what he did and he said that he wasn't working at the moment but he was going to college. He had been laid off his job because of downsizing in the area. He was a Scout Counselor or something that was a paid position and they didn't need that position anymore. When he said that he didn't have a job I said,"That's OK." WHAT WAS I THINKING! He didn't have a job!! OMG and I was going to date him! Well things happen for reasons and will tell you what I thought in the next chapter.

When we got to the house I told him about Angie and that we needed to be quiet because she had school the next day and I had to go to work. Yes, I had a job and a very nice boss and it was a small company. I was the receptionist/secretary for a Civil Engineer. It was fun!

We got into bed and shocking to me he wanted to lay under the covers naked. Naked as jaybirds!! I wasn't sure what he was doing. I did mount him once and he was like a cold fish. So we talked all night. I mean talked all night. Every time that I was sliding into dreamland he would wake me up and we would talk some more. He would ask me questions like what was I looking for in a man and things like that. I played coy because I didn't want him to know everything about me just yet. I was playing the field as it is said. Every time I asked him he wouldn't give me a straight answer. Soon I just wanted to go to sleep. Time sure does fly when you are having fun! I heard Angie's alarm go off. Oh Crap! I hurried out to the lving room and I was trying to rush him out of the bedroom and out of the house before she saw him. Well that didn't happen like that. Angie was in the living room when he came out of the bedroom. OOOOPS!! How was I going to handle this one?

Angie was very cordial about the whole thing and just asked him if he would like a cup of coffee. He said, "Sure." She got dressed and went to walk to the bus stop. I was left there with him. After Angie left he told me that he was a virgin. He is 37 years old and a virgin!

Needless to say I did not go to work that day. I called in sick because I had not had a minute of sleep and I had lots of things on my mind. I felt guilty about mounting him and then him telling me that he was a virgin. I felt so bad and that I was pushing the issue of sex before it's time. I really didn't know what to think about him wanting to get under the covers totally naked. I was totally confused. Too many mixed signals.

The Answer to the Whispers From Oz Referrence

 My initials from my first marriage was DKA.  My intials from Bruce would have been DKA.  My initials from Dennis---DKA.  But did we ever .................

Tune in for the next chapter and you will find out just what happened with him.

Whispers From OZ -Chapter 8

By Lady Guinevere

Previous Chapters

• The Introduction
• Chapter 1
• Chapter 2
• Chapter 3
• Chapter 4
• Chapter 5
• Chapter 6
• Chapter 7

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Rock Bottom

After learning that I didn't have a job and would be making no money and bringing in no income I called Welfare and went to them and did all their paperwork and all that stuff.

I had to copy my checkbook and give them a copy of it. I also had to give them copies of my employment checks and the letter that I got from the lawyer. So I did all this. Then I get a call telling me that they are going after my ex for child support and custody. I told them that I didn't want to do that. My reason, and I didn't tell them this, was because we had Joint Custody of both girls and my oldest decided to stay with her father and the youngest with me. I couldn't afford child support or anything like that and he knew that much so I didn't pay for anything for my oldest that lived with him. He paid me by check every two weeks and never missed a check so that I could have things for our youngest. Going after him would be the worst thing for our daughter. It would mean delayed checks and all kinds of things. Not to mention a more stressful situation between my ex and I. He called me with the information about them sending him a letter saying that they were going to go after him for child support. He was ticked and he blamed me for it and I had nothing to do with it.

I called them and explained that I did NOT want Child Support from him and that they are NOT to go after him. I had to sign a bunch of papers to have that set in place.

A few days later I get a letter in the mail from the Welfare Department. They denied me anything because I made (and this is the honest truth) because I made exactly $1.00--one whole dollar over the poverty level. That just blew me away! I was allowed to make just $400.00 per month to be able to get on their Welfare plan. Even then no one could afford an apartment when the going rate was $600 plus and then where would the food and utilities come from---the air!! Give me a break! I did get a medical card for my daughter though and all prescriptions for her were $1.00.

She decided to go back and live with her father, leaving me there all lone. Well I had my cat and her daughter and another cat that needed constant attention because of a condition he had.

It took me all of a few days to finally sit down in my comfy over stuffed chair.........................................................and I sat there and didn't hear, see, touch anything or even get up to go to the bathroom.....................I sat there for days. I didn't cry................ I didn't think................. I didn't feel.........I didn't eat or drink.......................I didn't do anything. I just sat there.....................................The downward spiral of what I called my life finally ended.........................................and I hit my lowest part of my life that I could ever imagine...........Rock Bottom.

When you finally hit that in your life, it's not like you have ever expected--if you ever expect to hit it al all. I thought that I hit rock bottom a few times in my life before this, but you really never know what it is until you really hit it. They were never near this.

It's quiet down there. You are alone and it is lonely down there. The night is not even close to how dark it is in that hole. At least in the night there are stars to light it up but not in the hole. The first few hours, it's kind of nice to be there with all the quietness and it kind of feels serene and calm. You kind of want to stay there all of your life because there is no interaction with others. No one to tick off and certainly no one to tick you off or abuse you anymore. Time is nothing. means nothing in that hole and hours could seem like a minutes or vice versa. For me it was days. I didn't ever want to come out of the hole and the darkness. I liked it there. No one could touch me or harm me or accuse me of things that I didn't do nor could they ignore me and play emotional games with me.

And then......................................................

Whispers From OZ

Then there was a light--a tiny spark of a light. I heard a voice and the voice was familiar. Closer he came to me and closer did the light that he brought with him. He got right up to my face and he said............................................."Everything is going to be OK."

I don't remember if we talked about anything else, but I know that he took my hand and we walked, with that light he had, out of that hole that I was in. He was careful not to blind me with that light. He left me sitting in the chair and as I woke up or came out of my whatever, I watched him walking with that light he had and he blended with a bigger, brighter light as he faded out of my sight.

He never once asked me, the last time I saw him nor this time, what religion I was or if I believed in him or the Devil, or God or His Father. He never spoke to me in a jealous or condescending manner nor did he ever say that his way was the only way. He didn't admonish me for bad behavior or thoughts or even if I committed any sins. None of that mattered to him. He was just total and unconditional love.....and again,,,,just as the first time I met him,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,there is no describing it here on this earth....and nothing can compare to that love. There just isn't anything to describe it with.

Everything that I go through -or anyone else- has a purpose...and everyone and every living thing are from the same place and and we all are connected..There is another world that we all belong too and it has a purpose. This world has a purpose. Religion has a purpose but it has no connection to the real God or Jesus or the Devil or Satan. I mean he doesn't ask you if you belong to one or the other or any at all. It doesn't matter to him. He isn't scary and doesn't want you to be scared. He isn't controlling and he doesnt' tell you to be that way. He is total love and that is what he wants people to know. This I know from being and hearing the Whispers From Oz. It is not Satan or the Devil and anything that we choose to go through from OZ is not evil or good--it just is............................................and "Everything is going to be OK."

Only Way To Go

Now that I am back in the living world a thought comes to mind....................I have hit my bottom and now the only way to go is up.

I manage to get myself up out of the chair and my cats are very hungry and I go to the kitchen to fill up their dishes and apologize to them for not taking care of them. As I am doing this I get a whiff of some awful smell............ah....the litter box needs a good cleaning out.

After taking care of my pets, my body begins to send me signals---------the first---

I gotta peeeeeeeeeee!!! Wow that felt good to relief myself! Another signal makes it through-------------

oh------------ahhhaaaa,

Drink and food. I go to the kitchen and make me some coffee and eat something. My body is becoming more awake and appreciative of me. Now it is time to take a long, hot shower.

I get all cleaned up and come out and sit in that chair again.

Nope I didn't phase out or go back into that hole. I asked right out loud to God or whomever would listen to me--and there are people who listen to you all the time--------------- How do I get out of this mess?

A few minutes later I pick up the phone book. It was almost brought to me as it fell off the shelf. Not kidding here people!!! They do listen and you have to ask them out loud and not in a whisper or a prayer or silently---do and say it out loud as if they were right in front of you because nine times out of ten that is exactly where they are.

When I pick it up I start flipping though pages. I just so happen to stop at a place and I didn't know what it is or who they are.

It says DHHR----Department of Health and Human Resources. I had no idea what they were all about and it had nothing to do with the Welfare Department. So I call the number and ask them to help me. The lady on the other end explains to me about a new program they have called Displaced Homemakers. It is for those women who have gone through a divorce who were the homemaker in the house. It is for those who have children and for those women who want to get an education and get into the working world. She told me that they pay for food and transportation cost and also the whole educational program. There are two such programs. One is a two year program and the other is 18 moths for those who want to get into the job market sooner. The shorter ones were for Office Technology programs with certificates in things like Medical and Legal Secretary studies. I chose the medical because I have always wanted to be a nurse but never got there.

So I was on my way up and it felt good to have some control over my life for once. I was in charge of what I did and didn't do and who i was with and not with. Oh I was totally against men and never dated for 5 years after my divorce. More on that later..

Moving On Up

My daughter moves back in with me. I am going to school and getting super grades. Things were going great!

I was having fun and I didn't need a man to help me or be ther for me. Life was great!

School would start a 8 in he morning and be open until 10 at night. That was great because I always took my daughter and two of her friends that lived next door to school and then I would go on to my classes.

Most of my classes were in Microsoft Windows--Windows 98 at the time. I knew all about those programs already so I breezed right through them.

The problems I had were with the typing. I took that in High School and could only do 40 wpm. Surely I thought with doing all the other classes and doing typing throughout the years that my typing would have gotten faster---------not a chance! No matter how hard I tried I just couldn't get past 45 wpm. I am not a typist. Now watching my daughters type--wow is all I can say!! Funny too as everyone else in my family can bowl--but I can't do that either!

I really needed a job and I was talking to the lady at the Post Office where I get my mail. She told me that her husband needed a receptionist. That was great!! I got the job and I loved the work. I stayed there for 2 1/2 years.

Ut-Oh

As everything was getting better my car was getting worse. I had it in the shop three times and they still couldn't figure out what was wrong with it. They had put in a used engine and my ex paid for that. That was nice of him. The shop was an hour away and I had to keep taking it back there. So I didn't have another car or a friend that could drive me that and pick me up and so forth I ended up staying at the shop for a whole day each time. What a waste of time that was. While this was going on I had to make up time that I missed in school. I also had my job. At the beginning it was part time. I would take the kids to school, got to my school at the other end of town, then go to my job and then back to school again and not get home until like 8 at night. I can remember me falling asleep on the couch, in front of the television, sitting straight up and my head propped up on my hand. My daughter would come out when she went to bed to tell me to go to bed. In the morning she would have to come and get me out of the bed after the alarm clock still on for about 10 minutes. Wow, those were hard times!! I did it though and got on the Dean's List for accomplishments and passing all my courses with high marks!!

The last time I took my car to the shop was on Valentine's Day and my parent's came and took me. That would have been great only we had a snow storm that day and they weren't calling for any snow. It was a bad trip back home.

The next week my car died again and instead of taking it back to the shop, my parent's met me at the dealership to get a new or used car and trade mine in. It was getting ridiculous. I didn't have to pay for anything at that shop, but the time that I could have been doing something else and my parent's wouldn't have had to do lots of driving and we wouldn't have had to drive in the snow. It was blizzard like conditions.

So they met me at the dealership and I looked and we talked about what kind of car I was going to get. We looked at mini trucks and cars and all sorts of vehicles. I wanted a truck for where I was located, on this mountain. What I got was a little, red, Toyota Tercel. That was great. I needed to ask my boss for a raise because I now had a car payment. It was not smooth sailing though with my mother. She is a control-freak and has to be in control of everything and she trusts no-one. We had a really bad arguments over my dad and her paying for the down-payment on the car. She was assuming that I was not going to be making all the payments and that they didn't really want to be responsible if I had. I had a job, I have always paid my debts, yet this woman gives me grief all the time--non trusting and she ticks me off. Hence why we do not get along!! I can stand about 15 minutes with her and then she goes off on tangents again.

Little Red

Things were pretty good now that I had a brand new car. I had given her a name too- "Little Red". Oh and the car wasn't even 6 months old and I was already in an accident. It wasn't my fault either, but my hood got bent in half and I couldn't see out of the front window.

I was taking the girls to school and then going to work when this women in a truck was backing up. There was a big turn and I was on one side and she on the other. I was coming up a hill and on a dirt road it is hard to know where you are going if going backwards.

Anyway she kept baking up and the girls and I were getting worried and wondering what the heck she was doing--backing up. I kept beeping my horn and backing up down the hill. Scary thought there!! She kept coming and coming and coming and I didn't have anywhere to go and I kept beeping and beeping.

Then......................crash.......................she had back up right into me. The girls and I just looked at each other and looked at the truck and it took a few minutes for this lady to get out of her truck. Seriously, we couldn't understand why she didn't hear our horn and she kept backing up.

She got out and said that she was sorry and we exchanged insurance information. She said that she thought the beeping was far away and didn't know that I was behind her. OOOKay....the girls and I kind of just looked at each other again. The good thing was that she paid for all the damages out of her pocket. But my new car.....it was not new anymore.

We had some funny things happen with that car and my daughter and her friends........well they weren't funny at the time--more like a shock!

One day as we were all getting ready to leave the house, My daughter's friends were outside getting ready to get into the car. I had it running so that it would be warm when we got into it. My daughter went out of the house a few minutes before me and she was yelling something. I got to the door to see what was going on and her friend was halfway inside the car and halfway out of the car and Little Red was rolling towards the house. She was trying to stop it by trying to get inside a rolling car and reaching the brakes. At this time in front of the house was a pile of logs for firewood. I just stopped in my tracks and kind of yelled, "What are you doing to my car!"

Well when the car hit the logs it stopped and nothing was damaged. My daughter's friend told me that it just started to roll down the driveway. My daughter was in shock and so was I. We couldn't believe what was happening! It was like a slow motion movie. I promptly took the car to the dealer the next day to check out the brakes. What I found out was the emergency break was too loose and they fixed it. They said it must have been when I had the accident and things got messed up. Since the accident didn't do anything to the interior of the car they never thought to check the emergency brake.

Another day I went out to start my car to get it warm, I accidentally locked the keys inside--while it was still running mind you!! Boy did I feel stupid that day. I got my daughter's friend's dad to help me get into my car with a coat hanger. It took us an hour and a half to get the window down far enough that I could stick my arm in the car to roll down the window and unlock the door. The button to unlock the car was flush up against the door so burglars couldn't get inside after you locked it. LOL

Looking back now, it seems sooo funny!! You got to laugh at your mistakes! It was hilarius what we went through with that car. It was the best car I ever had. If I had a choice and the money I would get that kind of car again!

I could go over those potholes on my dirt road like nothing else. Since the car didn't weigh much I would sort of hydroplane over the potholes. In the winter though I would put two bags of pea gravel on the floor in the back to give it weight when driving on snow.

One year it snowed so bad that I dug myself out the night before and the next morning, it had looked like I didn't do a thing. I called in to work and told them that I couldn't make it out. Well the one boss told me that I had to come in to work. I don't know why because I worked for a land surveyor and they couldn't work in the snow--not that deep that is. It was 3 feet deep. I would be just sitting there wasting their money. This company who I worked with was losing money and I was trying to save them money and the real boss kind of knew that. He was embezzled by one person and then was also being hoodwinked by another.Of course at the time I didn't know this. At any rate, I told them the only way that I was going in was if they came and got me and if they did that then they would have to take me to the store to get essentials because we were expecting more snow and I wouldn't be coming in. Hey, an hour later---it only took 1/2 hour without the snow to get to my house--they show up in a truck. Another co-worker comes with him because instead of this boss's truck getting dirty he had to get this other employees truck dirty. It took them over an hour to dig me out so that I could just walk out to the end of the driveway. It was ridiculous. They did take me to the store on the way home and I was out for that whole week and no one said a word. They knew when my road gets bad and I tell them that I can't come in--that means I can't come in.

Get Out Of The House!

It had been 5 years and I wasn't worried about dating anyone. Heck I still dis-liked men. In all those times that I went through that Rebuilding Book, it said about getting over a relationship breakup or loosing someone anywhere from 2 - 5 years and I was giving myself plenty of time to heal.

My daughter was playing emotional tennis with her father and I. She would come live with me for 6 months and then go live with her father for 6 months and then back to me. Each time she did this she would tell little secrets and the bad things that each had done to her while there. She was a very good manipulator to get what she wanted. I was getting pretty tired of this and it was hurting me more and more. Each time she moved out and went to her father's my heart was being ripped out yet again. It already hurt like hell that my oldest decided to live with her father and she never once came to visit me while she lived with her father. It rips your very heart out. So I sat down with her and I told her that I can't do this anymore. It was her father or me. Oh her father poured on the stuff on her to get her to live with him--promising her everything and I knew it was just empty words he was telling her. I just told her that I couldn't give her things but what I could give her was all the love that she deserved and could ever want. I told her that it was up to her and her decision and that I wouldn't push her. Sure I wanted her with me. AT least I could have one of my daughters and that is the way that it should be, but I didn't say a word. She kept asking me and I kept telling her that Yes, I would like for her to stay, but it was still her decision and hers alone.

She decided to stay with me. It wasn't easy either. I don't know what was wrong wit her and everytime that I would get close to her she would up and go into her bedroom and slam the door. I finally had enough and took her to a psychologist. I was at my wit's end and ready to pull my hair out. Talk about stress! Well she wouldn't talk to them either. She would go into the room with them and shut up. Finally I just told her right to her face----Hey I cannot fix anything if you don't tell me what it is that I am doing wrong! I told her that I couldn't read her mind. Finally she opened up a bit--jut a bit, but it was workable.

Things weren't getting anywhere and I did something that was odd for me. I called one of those Psychics. Now don't think me weird or anything and I know the money traps they can get you into--been there done that one in Florida and was almost wiped out of money by her. What a crock and waste of time, energy and money! Anyway the lady on the other end didn't tell me anything that I couldn't have figured out myself----it was a Whisper From OZ---------I didn't see it and had to be told in some way and this was the way..........

She said, she didn't care where it was or how I did it, but that I had to Get Out Of The House.

Funny thing too with that. I was reading the newspaper the next day and in it was an event for a Valentine's Day Dance for Singles in the area. I called them and got the information and directions..........................and I shall tell you what happened with that in.................... Chapter 9.....................when I have it written.........

Whispers From Oz -Chapter 7

By Lady Guinevere

Previous Chapters For Review If You Missed One

• The Introduction
• Chapter 1
• Chapter 2
• Chapter 3
• Chapter 4
• Chapter 5
• Chapter 6
• Whispers From OZ -Chapter 8
  After learning that I didn't have a job and would be making no money and bringing in no income I called Welfare and went to them and did all their paperwork and all that stuff. I had to copy my checkbook and...

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No More Pushing Buttons

The night that my parent's dropped me off at the was the night hat I took a stand that he would never push my buttons again. Nope, not ever! No emotional nor mental blackmail or manipulation on his part would ever affect me again...ever.

No one believes what happened when I tell them. We were sitting in the living room watching some show that he wanted to watch. Hey why not it was his house! I wasn't paying much attention anyway. The girls had already gone to their rooms and it was just he and I. He never talked to me much after the divorce. I still am ignored for the most part, to this day...even through the wedding of our oldest daughter. I bet it will be the same when the new baby comes along too. He spoke up and out of his mouth came another big shock, much like the divorce thing.

He told me that I had to find another place to live. He gave me two weeks to find one. I did not make a flinch or a move and I did not let him see what was reeling in my mind. He was not going to push my buttons anymore!

The Brght Side

For three days my mind reeled as to what I was going to do. I had no friends here that weren't also friends with my ex, and we went to the same church. I didn't have any money saved up for anapartment and on just the wages I was making I would never be able to afford an apartment. I didn't know anyone outside of my family. They couldn't help me either. My mom and I don't get along and everything always has strings attached to them when she does help me. I didn't want to go to them. I didn't know what to do or who to talk too or anything. I truly felt like I was in a tornado and no one to hold my hand or pull me out or even to reach for. He had really done it. He had really screwed me over, under, around and in between. I really think he relished in it. He was a complete stranger to me now. Just an sorry excuse for a person on this planet.

Well the only thing good about this so far is that I still had a job--even with the hospital episode. These people really helped others. The amazed me. They were so good and they really went the extra mile to help someone out if they could. I have never been in such a loving environment before as with these people and the company that I worked for. They let me come back to work. They could have fired me when I did not return when I was supposed to, but they didn't and I was happy about that.

After a week, with not finding anywher to live or even how to survive this...I sucked up my pride and called my parents and told them what my ex said. Mom couldn't believe her ears. She kept saying "What?' To think this was my High School Sweetheart!!! I just couldn't understand any of his reasons about all of this. It just makes no sense only that he is a cruel, inhuman, spiteful and everything else that he called me in that letter that he put in my suitcase on that trip to see my friend.

Well my parent's had a cabin in the mountains in the woods that they had on the market to sell. It had sold, but I am one lucky person to have parent's like mine! Oh my mom doesn't see it and she doesn't believe it that I am so thankful to them for everything that they have done for me. The day I told them about me being thrown out--well they called the real estate person whom they were working with and told them they couldn't sell it because their daughter needed a place to live. It just so happened that the real estate person did just that, but she didn't have too. The cabin was already sold and my parent's had to renege on the deal. I am thankful that they did that.

The arrangements were made and that I would move out that weekend into the cabin. I was to pay for all my utilities and food myself, but would not have to pay rent for it.

It was kind of like my own space that I have tried to get on my own for a very long time and I finally did. Only it wasn't supposed to be this way. At any rate, I was in my own place and that was a very good thing. I didn't have to try to talk to my ex and I didn't have to see him. That was the Bright Side!!

Some People Are Not People Persons

The commute was bad and if I had to do it today I would not be able to afford the gas to get there. It was 1 1/2 hours one way. It wasn't too bad going to work but I always hit the traffic coming home and it usually took me 2 hours to get home instead. I was bushed by the time that I got home. I had just enough time to feed myself and then go to bed to do it all over again the next day.

As time went by and it was about a year down the road I decided, with the help of my supervisor, to ask for a transfer to the new store that was only 1/2 hour from me. That took several months.

When I got to talk to the manager of this store I told him that I could not stand for more than a hour or so. I told him my medical history and he got all my files and such from the other store where I worked and was though of as an excellent employee.

I did have one spot on my record though. I was assigned to the fitting room and my other tasks were answering the phones and making transfers and helping people find what they were looking for. Well one day I had an obscene phone call and I just told the person in a nice way that this was offensive to me and that he needed to be transferred to some other department. He hung up and 15 minutes later (mind you none of the floor managers in my department were there because they had left for the day) he called back and I got flustered and hung up on him. I thought that was the end of that. Oh no, it got worse and he called back and someone got through me and talked to personnel or someone over my head because I was called into the office and spoken harshly too about phone etiquette. They didn't tell me who called or even what they said, but I kind of knew.

I also had a severe stomach ache one day and had to go home. That is what it looks like on my records--that I just had a silly stomach ache and wanted to go home. That was the furthest from the truth. When I went home I called my doctor and told him of my stomach ache. It was so severe that I was doubling over in pain. No one would believe me. What is i with this world!!?? Anyway he had me go get a blood test and then I was sent home that day. I got home and waited about an hour and the nurse called me. She told me that I had to get to the hospital because I didn't have any blood or something like that. She said that she didn't know how I was even walking around, let alone stand. So I couldn't drive and had to get a ride to the hospital.

I got my ex to take me. He's such a asshole! He gets me to the hospital and drops me off at the door and leaves. He doesn't take me inside or even gets me a wheelchair or anything. He just lets me out of the car and takes off. I manage to get myself into the door and at the front desk and then collapse! I didn't even have enough strength to sit up in the chair. I just was a lump of flesh in the wheelchair.

I got 2 units of blood that day--oh and yeah--it was my birthday too! Great Birthday present to myself--2 units of blood! Ymm, Yumm! I stayed in the hospital until 8:00 that night and my daughter came to pick me up. Not a word was said from my ex,,,,,not one word to see if I was OK or anything. Something good happened to that day. One of the other employees I worked with went in and gave a pint of blood in my names hould I ever need it again. I don't rememeber he name now and wherever she is I would love to send her thought of kindness and love and hugs to her. She doesn't know what happened after my that.

Anyway as the story progresses I finally did get the transfer. Yippee! Save me money on gas and lots of time getting too and from work! I was happy. I was until the very first day that I got there!

The manager puts me on a sales thing and I have to stand for two hours. My leg begins to swell and I get nervous as all get out because I think it is another blood clot. The next day I have to call in sick so that I can get a Ultra Sound of my leg to see if I have a blood clot or not. This isn't just any blood clot it is a DVT and again, if it moves I am dead! Well he fires me! I find out that he cannot do this and go through arbitration procedures and all kinds of stuff. I was brought in and had to stand up in front of 6 other managers and asked all kinds of questions and I told them again that I could not stand for long periods of time. They dismiss me and I was told that I would be hearing from the lawyer with the company--conference call to my house. I was supposed to be able to tll my side of the wtory and the lawyer was only to be the mediator.

I get the call and it was a total disaster. The Manager brings up about my stomach ache at my last place of employment and says that I didn't want to work anyway---------and then hangs up the phone. I didn't get to tell them my side of what happened or anything. That manager was not a people person. He could care less about his employees health or welfare.About two weeks later I get a letter from the lawyer and it tells me.....................I don't have a job anymore. It took me over 10 years before i would go back into that store.

At the time this all was happening my youngest daughter decided that she would live with me. Her father, my ex did send me checks to cover her expenses. I used them for that too and nothing for myself. I needed that job! I needed it real bad...because I could not live with a 16 year old on what her father was sending me. So she went back to live with her father for 6 months.

About My Friend

During my stay there I visited my friend. I drove for 4 hours to his apartment and stayed the night. While I was there he had to go out to work (or so that was what he wanted me to believe) and I got to sit and watch a bit of T.V. Well I got curious and went to the bedroom. Somehting just didn't seem right and so as I was looking around I spied a women's shoe on the floor of the closet that was halfway opened. I didn't go into the closet, but just went back into the living room. He came in the door a few seconds later and I didn't mention anything. We had a nice visit and then it was time for me to go home.

When I got home I got a phone call the next day from some woman I had no idea who she was. She asked if I new my friend and I told her yes I knew him. She told me that he was still married and I said that I knew that. She also said the she was his lover too.....What?? WTF!!! She told me all about how they would visit--just like I would---not long visits and she told me it was because his wife was living with him and they had a son together and he was playing man and wife and also having 2 lovers and that didn't include me! She told me that she wanted to meet me and also to surprise him and confront him on this. So I drove right back to his apartment and I met her....and then he came in the door and saw us both standing there. The shocked look on his face and he made a fast exit to the bedroom. Funny though she followed him and I was not allowed in there at all--but I heard lots of angry words from her. No mind I just left and went home.

So that relationship was totally over. He did call me once while I lived in the cabin, but I ended it there. The crap he tried to tell me---he respected me highly------Respect--he didn't know the meaning of the word!

It is rather interesting though--my ex and the friend that set me up--they all thought that I was getting the divorce to go marry him! I really think that is why my ex never speaks to me--too much egg on his face--if he moves it will crack!!! haha!

Being Nice - And Moving On...

I know that it is not good to say bad things about your ex, especially in front of your kids. I know they are reading this and they must think that I am awful for talking bad about their father. The quote comes up in my mind that comes from the Disney Movie "Bambi" where Thumper's mother:was telling him, "If you don't have anything nice to say, Don't say anything at all."

Well...............

I can tell you that I loved his smile, he was the best cook and that he was very good in bed.........................so there those are three thngs that I loved about him............still do..............................only the rest of him sucks!!

*I* never wanted the divorce!!!!

When you are pushed against a wall, sometimes you just want out and away from the person whom pushed you there.

Soooo with that let's get to the next chapter...