An Indecisive Child
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| Angela Sue Anderson 7/6/1979 |
After our first born was about 2 years old I decided that I
wanted another child so that my oldest would have a playmate. My husband agreed that another little one
would be great. He came from a family of
6 and he wanted that many. I said whoa
there!!! So we did agree on 3. That did not happen and I will tell you why
in this story but first let’s get the beginning down.
After we decided that we wanted another baby I went to my
gynecologist and got all the checkups and tests done to see if I was healthy
enough to go through and carry another child.
I came back with flying colors and so we commenced on making a
child. It seems that just thinking about
a child and I got pregnant within the first month of doing all the right moves
and planning. This was going to be
great! I was pregnant! We celebrated and let our oldest know that
she was going to have someone that she could play with. She was excited too. So there we have the great start and a
healthy beginning. We then told our parents of friends.
So our youngest daughter decided that we would be her
parents. We were all happy. I do believe
that we choose our parents and our lessons in each and every life. Each one is different and lessons to be
learned are different too. The theory of
a ONE LIFE is just that….we have that ONE Lifetime to learn and grow with the
lessons we chose for the ONE lifetime.
Another lifetime is just another LIFE to learn other lessons but we only
have the one life to learn what we chose to learn. We do not come back as other things or
animals. We do reincarnate for each lifetime full of great learning and fun and
what we are learning in each of our lives is to become totally compassionate
and to love others as ourselves. There
is no way that we can learn that form just one lifetime. There are so many facets to learn and sides
and then we make even more of those facets and it goes on and on.
Another thing that was going great was that my husband was
going to be getting a raise and that helped us in the decision to have another
child too.
Everything seemed to be coming together at the right time
and things were going great……
I was three months pregnant and my husband’s employer drops
a bomb on him. He was told, mind you,
that he was getting a raise. His boss told him so. We would not have had another baby if we thought
otherwise. Instead of getting a raise,
he was let go. What a hard blow that
was. Me pregnant and needing prenatal
care and the bottom drops out. We didn’t
know what to think or what to do. I totally
hate people who tell you one thing and you plan for something and then they do
the total opposite.
My parents worked at AT&T or it was known as Western
Union at that time and so they got my husband a job there. The greatest part was that the medical
insurance probation period was waved so that they would pay for all the
expenses with the baby. Whew!!! So I believe that this child really wanted to
be here too…….but
After three months into this pregnancy, it was a really
rough time of it. I was babysitting for
5 other children in the Low Income Apartments that we were living in. One was a nurse and I watched her 6 year old
child. You would think that they would
be the most understanding when you had to tell them that I would be bedridden
throughout the rest of my pregnancy. She
pitched a fit. There was nothing that I
could do. I barely was able to take care
of my 2 year old. The other mothers were
more understanding. I really hated to do
that, but it was doctor’s orders. That
is why they understood.
Have you ever watched the movie (and I didn’t see it until a
month ago and never knew that it existed) Delivering Milo? This describes my pregnancy to a “T.”
The child that wanted to be born, well the child was afraid
to be here. My pregnancy all started out
on a great footing but then something terrible happened. I do not understand the why or how’s as I had
a great start health-wise. I could not
believe what was happening to me. No
matter what I ate or drank, I would gag and throw it up. I could not keep anything down. This lasted throughout my whole
pregnancy. I was put on Benedectine to
stop the nausea. “The FDA has given
approval to a prescription medication used to treat morning sickness that was
pulled off the market 30 years ago after hundreds of lawsuits claimed it caused
birth defects.
The pill, which was once called Bendectin—used by roughly 33
million nauseated pregnant women before it was yanked off shelves in 1983—will
reenter pharmacies this June as Diclegis. The FDA had never deemed the drug to
be unsafe, but Merrell Dow, the pharmaceutical company behind the pill, stopped
making it once litigation costs outweighed profits.” *Link below
Between 1978 and 1983, over 300 lawsuits were filed against
the company claiming damages for babies with deformities born to mothers who
took the drug. I had to keep something down.
I ended up eating the boil in bag Chicken Ala King over rice. That was the only thing that stayed
down. I don’t know why but it was that
and only that that seemed to stay down.
During the last month of my pregnancy I could eat just a bit more and my
gynecologist told me to drink lots of milkshakes. I am guessing that was to put calcium in my
body and to help the baby too. To this
day I cannot eat Chicken Ala King or drink a milkshake. Oh they are not bad; I just have this block
to them for some reason.
I can remember once going to my gynecologist and them taking
blood for tests and all that. It was not
a good visit. Three nurses came in and
tried to take blood and each one of them hit my nerve. That shot pain up my whole arm. I did leave the office after that and told
them it would have to be another day, but they are not poking me again today.
My blood was so low that I also remember yet another time at
the doctor’s office. I was sitting on
the exam bed and they came in to do their usual check of my blood pressure and
all that. Now I do not know if the nurse
was new or what but she could not get a pulse.
I looked at her and told her straight out….I am here and alive and
sitting on this bed. They also could not find the baby’s heartbeat either. That scared me. So at that point my child did not want to be
here. I had this knowing and it told me
that she was afraid of the life that she chose after she decided that she
wanted to live at this time and not at another time. That would be true due to what I was
experiencing with her.
It goes on more. I
used to always get Urinary Tract Infections with her too. I was on so many drugs and vitamins that they
really wreaked havoc on my body. Meanwhile
my husband kept telling me that I was making it all up. His baby brother came over one day and I had
the kitchen cleaned all up and sparkling.
Well he left it in such a mess and I did not have the energy to clean it
up again. I was madder that a bee
then.
Three times I went in to “false” labor with this child. They weren’t fun times either. This child needed to be born and most times
it is a happy time but the last labor and it was the one, I just told them to
get it out of me. This child just needed
to get out into the world and live her life the way that she wanted to live
it. Oh I was not mad at the child and
this child today would probably say that I was, but I was not. This indecisiveness had to stop because it
was killing m, the mom. The child wasn’t going to have a mom if it continued
the way it was going. This is when I said that I would have no more
children.
The child finally made the entrance that it was afraid to
make and she arrived on July 6, 1979.
She was full term and weighed only 3.6 pounds. She did have something going on too and I had
to sign for them to do a spinal tap. I
never knew the results or why they had to do that procedure. The angels saved
her and that is how she got the name Angela. I had a vertical C-section with
her because I had one with her older sister. She was kept in the hospital for
over a month and even with my stitches in my belly I went to see her every
day.
Oh she was fighting life so hard and still wanted to leave
it while in that hospital. I wanted to
breast feed her but she didn’t want to have anything to do with that. So I pumped my breast. She really needed all the antibodies that a
mom gives her child with the first milk.
So they tried to give it to her through a bottle. Well she didn’t want anything to do with that
either. This small baby had tubes poking
into her tiny little body all over. They
eventually had to put the life-saving tube into her tiny little feet. Oh and since she would not eat, the ended up
putting a feeding tube down her little tiny throat.
For the first week I could not hold her. Do you believe that is when the child bonds
to the mother? I do believe that and as
such and I wasn’t allowed to touch her or hold her that bond did not truly
form. During her whole life we were never close as in talking to each other and
her allowing me to love her. It just
wasn’t there. The relationship just seemed to get worse as she grew up. I tried everything that I could do to make
her feel special and wanted and needed and loved, but it continually got pushed
aside.
No one wanted to babysit her. I mean no one. She was always cranky and she cried almost
constantly with changing of her diaper, to her eating when a baby to picking
her up and putting her down. We changed
her food and everything to try to find out what was wrong with her. Looking back now, I really think that she had an allergy to Dairy, but I did not know this until I became allergic to dairy15 years ago. Too bad, she might have had a different beginning and a different chilhood.
I love her dearly and also to the moon and back and, also like her older sister, to the next galaxy and back.
LINKS: Bendectine: http://jezebel.com/morning-sickness-drug-returns-30-years-after-it-was-bla-471639339
© Debra K. Allen
a.k.a Lady Guinevere
I researched
and wrote this article. Please do not copy and paste any part of this article,
picture included for your own use. I will find you and report you for stealing.
It is my right to change any information
therein at any time and/or change the location of my article.
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